hard times

its been a while since i last wrote, i think right around my birthday. things have changed so much since then. this really good relationship, or at least i thought i was in, has gone somewhat sour. i think the distance is finally getting to her, but shes not happy. she feels second best, to my going out on the weekends. i dont feel like its like that, but you cant change how someone feels, you can only try to fix the problem. but i almost feel like she wants me not to have a life, while shes in hawaii (paradise) going out all the time and having fun with friends. one who she admitted to liking, some guy that hangs out in her little group of friends, who she spends her free time with and is probably getting to know better than me. sounds more like im second best. things like this happen, i know and its not the first time ive been through it, but its something you never get used to. the only good thing, isnt even a good thing. its sad that it had to take an unfortunate accident on my part to make her realize/think she wants to be with me. last saturday, the 12th, i was at a party in ob with babs and neen, we were trying the leave the party when we came accross some guy who was trying to pick a fight with us. after trying to talk him down, he spit at this couple that was with us, they began to wrestle and i helped to break it up. while the girls got in this guys face, the other guy with us ran up the street, i continued walking up the street and when i turned to see if the girls were coming, i saw this guy running at me and thats the last thing i remember. apperently he kicked me in my face while i was on the ground, but either way when i came to, i got up and the girls walked me to a car and drove me to the hospital. i nearly lost all sight in my right eye and part of my eye socket had collapsed. well at the hospital they performed sergury that saved my eye, and now the vision is getting better. i was restricted to my bed for five days and im not able to go to school or work for at least three weeks. even the task of writing this is painful. i find out what day theyll perform plastic sergury to correct the eye this monday. and to top it all off we found out my health ins ran out on march 1st. so now im looking at some pretty big hospital bills. and now back to my girlfriend, who had broken up with me, to figure things out, in the process a new relationship started behind my back, and when she heard of what happened to me, realized she wanted to be with me. well she flew in to town on the 16th, her birthday and drove up to see me. she spent thursday and friday nights with me and they were amazi ng. and then she left to go to vegas with babs, the trip already planned and told her to go instead of staying here with me. well this morning, sunday the 20th, she began to express how she felt like the didnt know me, how she felt that the things i say to her are a bunch of bullshit and obviously shes not happy, but she feels like there meaningful when were together. all this while im on house arrest until i get better, ive had a few friends come over and a few call, but out of all those people i hang out with from one weekend to the next, not to many have bothered to call. the depression is kicking in and each day gets longer and longer. as for my girlfriend, only she really knows what she wants, i get to hang out and wait, patiently. i guess thats all im really good at now, waiting patiently. i love this girl, but she pushes so hard for me not to be around.

p.s. if anyone can tell me how to post a picture, ill post a picture of my eye.